When I started this blog two years ago I realized it needed to be about us - me, Jim, Kellan, Zoe, Dexter, Duke - our life. If I were to expand outside of us I would be setting myself up for failure. So I try to keep it simple, light and maybe not too personal in hopes it can be my way of making up for the lack of emails and phone calls over the years.
Today is an exception to the above. I would rather hide then recognize my birthday. However, this birthday marks 39 years I was fortunate enough to be my dad's daughter. My dad, Frank Kabisch, had cancer, Multiple Myeloma Phase II, for the past five plus years. He died April 1st, as I sat next to him in his (our) home in Lakewood, WA. I posted to his blog as he took his last breath. His blog can be found at http://96ryerson.blogspot.com/ (some parts are redundant to this posting). His blog spanned his life with cancer.
In the years my dad was sick, there were few complaints. Not a complaint about trips he would never take, food he would never cook, grandchildren he would ever carry, the daily pain, and many cold, long trips to the doctor. I felt so often he was robbed of many good years, but I don't think he would agree. When it took forever for a diagnosis to his illness, he cried only once - when he heard he had cancer. I told him I was so sorry, and he told me that's not why he was upset. He was upset because finally, finally he knew what was wrong with him. I think at that moment, very early on he accepted it, embraced it. He missed work tremendously and helping the soldiers and contributing to other's welfare. Again, he felt he still had so much to give.
Jim, Kellan and I were living with my parents when my dad was diagnosed. They had converted their master bedroom into a painting room/office. I was fortunate to take my job from CA to WA with me and settled into this room for 8 hours a day. Within a couple months of us moving in dad got sick. We moved a hospital bed into the room - it was the biggest room in the house, with the best view of the lake he loved so much. He lived day and night in this room for the rest of his life. I remained in the room to work. My dad bought a "therapeutic" cat - Laura. God I hated that cat. She was notorious for eating wires, jumping on me when I least expected it. Overnight my dad went from driving, grocery shopping, going to work to being bedridden. Yet, as I worked all day in his room he never asked for anything. When I would get up to be "off work" at the end of the day he would ask me for a few things - he always waited until the end of the day. Even if I offered he would pretend he didn't need anything until I was done working. I can't imagine how hard that was, to give up all your independence to rely so heavily on other people.
As I was writing this on the plane ride home from WA, there was a baby screaming behind me. All I could think of was, if my dad were sitting in my seat, he would probably be turning around saying to the woman "Here, here, give her to me. Babies love me." The babies in his life were so special to him. He loved babies and they did love him.
Again, I keep saying "Again" - as I've written this over the last few days the word kept coming to mind. I think the hardest thing for him in life was not his cancer, but being out of work at different intervals in his career, feeling he had let us all down. During that time he wrote some poems.
AGAIN
As I walk I see them
Buds of hope in our trees
Again they begin again
Their process of renewal
With eyes unskilled
And finite mind
I stand in wonder again and am energized
As the tree unfolds its life
I'll forget
And time will pass
Before I look again
And when I do
I'll be renewed
By life unfilled
And brutally unparalleled
Once again
Two weeks before my 35th birthday I moved to Denver...and lost the job I had taken from CA to WA, to CO. That was exactly four years ago. My dad was over a year into his treatment. He knew how I felt all too well. He flew out alone. Sitting for any length of time was painful, between the car rides and the plane ride it's not the quickest trip. I will never forget that day. I had bragged to him about the wonderful CO sunshine, a big reason we had left WA - it poured rain. He took me to Costco and bought me a necklace I often wear. As my mom liked to say about their frequent Costco trips "Costco has it - Kabisch buys it."
I'd like to thank everyone that touched his life: the nurses, doctors, and pharmacist who contributed to keeping him alive past the disease's life expectancy, to hospice who gave him dignity in death and us selfless support, the friends & neighbors who corresponded, visited and wished him well - his and ours, our families; aunts and uncle, nieces, and our in-laws - who not only supported & inquired about him, but also us. I cannot say enough. Debi, Jessie & Jim were there for him from the very beginning to the very end, doing more than what could be expected from someone's own child. His wish of dying at home was largely in part due to their care and I thank them. These five years gave him another daughter-in-law, two more grandchildren and the knowledge of a fifth.
This post will never live up to what I want. Again, there are many, many more memories that will live on in my heart. May the pictures that follow convey everything I cannot possibly express. In looking back through old photos, there are not too many of my dad; he took most of the pictures. The pictures have a theme of red shirts (and/or pants), beer in hand, someone sleeping in his lap and again - love, lots of love.
Through it all - there was my mom (Chloe a.k.a Kris). It would have been their 40 yr wedding anniversary in June. They knew each other more than half their lives. My dad worshipped my mom. Though at times it may not have seemed that way hearing him yell "KRIS!, KRIS!" from his bedroom in frustration. What my mom did for my dad over these years cannot be put into words - I could say "sacrifice", I could say "she gave her life", it was a full time "job" - but she would not say any of those things, I think she would simply say that it was for love, it was a privilege and there was no place she would have rather been then by his side.
There is no perfect family here; there were bad days and days we all drove each other crazy, disagreed & regretted things, but in the end I believe we are a family that can be found downstairs any night: talking, laughing, drinking, eating, reminiscing - with dad "upstairs" listening - happy, very happy. To this I toast with some of his favorite beverages; I toast with a glass of wine to his life on Ryerson Street, his enduring Brooklyn accent and his devotion to the Priesthood, I toast a Manhattan for everything he sacrificed, I toast with a Bourbon and Ginger for the tireless working years, and I toast a pint of beer for everything in between: marriage, family, friends, cancer - to what is life, his life.
My mom may have said it best, simple - "Priest, Husband, Father, Grandfather."
I love you dad, I will miss you, and I will see you Again
"Hang in There, God Bless" as dad would sign-off
Tara
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96 Ryerson Street, Brooklyn, NY 1937. My dad liked to tell a story...he was so poor - one year he got a coloring book for X-mas, the next crayons. He always tried to make our X-mas the very best whether we had money or not. |
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Ordination 1965 (above & below) |
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1972 with mom in D.C. |
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With Me - 1972 |
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With Me |
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1973 with Uncle Mike |
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With Uncle Tim - love the smiles |
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1975 - a picture he kept in his wallet |
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Virginia |
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At Disneyland with Auntie Karen & Father Cooney |
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1985 |
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1990 |
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At U of W - me, Mike, Tim got a "full ride" care of mom and dad |
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X-mas 1992 |
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My UW graduation, dad's 3rd Masters Degree |
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Visiting Mike in the Peace Corps, Kingston Jamaica |
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Our wedding - Oct. 1999 |
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Many weddings |
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My 30th |
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My 30th with Auntie Karen & Helenmarie |
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Backyard bar-b-que |
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X-Mas 2002 |
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Kellan's birth CA Aug 2003 with the other grandfolks - Sue, Lawna & Jim |
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One of my favorite pictures. Kellan was 1 wk old, Jim was away, I took a 10 minute shower. I can only hope Kellan fell asleep before dad - notice the glass of wine... |
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X-Mas 2003 |
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Mariners Game |
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X-Mas 2004   |
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After Multiple Myeloma Ph II diagnosis - Fall 2005 |
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With Zoe Brooklyn - Dec. 2005 |
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X-Mas 2005 |
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Zoe Brooklyn's baptism with Auntie Karen |
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One of my favorites with Zoes |
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X-Mas 2006 |
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My 35th B-day, CO |
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X-Mas 2007 (I'm holding Zoe as she's screaming her head off) |
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With Dexter 2009 |
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He could not have been happier having all the kids around |
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I think he probably regretted that BIG burger later |
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With Monty |
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Uncle Mike |
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Uncle Tim & Monty at a ball game |
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With his boys - Uncle Mike & Uncle Tim |
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March 25, 2011 with Dexter & Jessie - final picture...just not enough with Dexter... |
I took this picture of Dexter in March 2011 in Madera where our family has lived since 1987 as dad was home on hospice - he loved the neighborhood & I think he would have loved this picture...he died 1 week later.
